Why do we…?

We try to be better people. Why then does it feel that every time were step forward there are forces which drag us back?

Marianne Williamson said “The only way the past can drag you back is if you choose to bring it with you into the present

This means that we choose to hold on to the past and let it destroy our present through choice. However, I do not recall wanting it to destroy my present or future. So why does this happen?

Well without all the neuroscience nonsense, we simply do not move into the future because we have not resolved issues from the past. We tell ourselves we have dealt with issues, forgiven mistakes and learnt from our own errors. Have we though?

It is too easy to fall pray to habits of the past and become that memory of yourself once again. Maybe you think F*ck It! and just go with the flow…but because of all the neuro-pathways created in our brain previously, that F*ck It attitude is in fact our default behavioural patterns which we have so desperately been trying to avoid.

Who knows…maybe we are not meant to get better, maybe we are just searching for that  person who’s demons play well with our own. Maybe it is that darkness within us that actually guides us to our lovers, mates, friends, relations. We all search for that light rather than embracing the darkness within us and accepting it as part of who we are. This confuses me because, without darkness, there can be no light.

Is it not a conceivable notion that my darkness and your darkness combined create its own resonating light? thus we feel this modern concept of love? after all, mathematicians and physicists alike are forever telling us that two negative sources of energy creates a positive energy…is this then not the same understanding of our emotion and life?

A thought to consider is this. If your demons play well with mine, do I not find comfort? do you not find comfort? There is a lovely quote which I carry always..

She said “don’t get too close It’s dark inside. It’s where my demons hide.”

-and I answered… “Get too close, there is a hell inside of me. It’s where your demons can live“.

None of this is to suggest that we should all suffer, in fact this ideology leads to the belief that we can find others with whom we can share our pain, those who comfort the sadness and in time create a light from the combined emotion which envelops our concept of love.


Our pain is our greatest strength” -Alex Hart

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