When I was in my teens, my imagination used to run wild with possibilities. Dreams and ambitions I thought were far beyond my reach. One of those dreams was to be a fish! yes, I know, I am human and would not last more than 2 minutes before flustering like a strangled chicken. However, scuba diving is a close second, albeit without the gracefulness of my fantasy fish life.
So, during the month of April, during my time in the beautiful and tropical islands of the Philippines; I decided I was going to become one with the fish and start living that dream.
This is my story…
I had an hours sleep, why?, well, I had a rather eventful night. A story for a later occasion I think, maybe after the kids have gone to bed and I don’t mean my kids, I mean your’s. So, my eyes are burning, feeling like that inferno hell that we’re all so afraid of ending up in but I had made arrangements, with by all accounts a very beautiful Filipina girl (Shen). The plan was: 1 – take a trike to Puka beach, 2- Sip cocktails whilst soaking up the sun and having a morning snack, 3- Get in the water and show my amazing swimming abilities to impress the ladies. 4- return to the other side of the island to visit the scuba diving shop. 5- give a perfect impression of a fat guy squeezed into a condom, ok that is not quite accurate but if you have ever been in a diving suit wet or dry you will understand what im talking about. 6- Practice breathing underwater, yes, my fish dream is coming into fruition, I am becoming a master of the sea. 7- Get thrown overboard and venture into a whole new world (yes, that was an Aladdin reference). 8- Become the fish, breath in, breath out, become one with the ocean (alas, a meditation technique was perfect for this). 9- learn, that my body mass is greater than the sum of the weights they had used to keep me down. 10- Suck at becoming a fish. 11- pretend like you nailed even if you felt like a lost puppy stuck in the far reaches of the abyss. 12- Graciously thank the people whom gave you a big discount because you were on a date with their niece!!! rather than save the money, return it to them as a goodwill gesture and tip for keeping your fat ass at the bottom of the ocean so you could pretend that you were a child again. 13- Romantically walk along the beach, being a gentleman and asking if she would like to have dinner, giving her free range of my wallet! 14- go down a very long and dark tunnel only to find one of the most beautiful open air restaurants around (clearly, my wallet was about to be milked far more successfully than I was) 15- Finish up, and walk the girl home only to be left pondering the why[s] and the what if’s.