A perception on consumerism and relationships

I have always interpreted the world differently from my peers,
The often think I am crazy,
I saw different links, connections with things that others think don’t exist.
Let me tell give you an anecdote.
Buying meat from a supermarket compared to a butcher is visibly different.
Take the butcher meat and the supermarket meat, let them both cook on a frying pan, medium to high heat.
Do you see it? Of course, we all know this.

But,

Now I want you to think about the psychology behind it all.
Pump the meat full of shit – people eating less meat thus consuming more overall, meaning they buy more products and increase their consumerist mentality and submissive nature.
Conforming to the twisted delusions of profiteers, power, and control within a capitalist driven economy.

Now,

The butcher’s meat, so rich so full of actual meat free of chemicals. Cook it, keep the meat, consume, satisfied, full. Happy, energy- full of life…spending a little more then a little less, eating a little less and not over buying or being so consumer focused.

Now take this theory, apply it to anything such as relationships. Let me show you.

Where supermarket meat becomes quantity, butcher meat becomes quality, easy right?

People are not fulfilled by simply meeting multiple people and having relations, thus they consume more and begin to erode their own basic values and begin adopting a single alpha mentality. Which, if we all do this, where does that leave child rearing, abortion, families, xmas, etc etc. Also, a version of being a consumer as that is you consuming more than you need.

Let’s look at the quality, you meet someone, you talk, you get to know them, you decide how you feel, whether you like them enough, you date a while, you communicate, it grows or you part ways. How is this like a butcher’s meat? Let me explain. Quality meat fills you up, without the need to consume a lot. Quality people, fulfil you both emotionally and physically without the need to consume everything in sight, we just need to enjoy the cooking process. Well, that is the condensed version.

Our dark self

People, your smiles make me sad,
I see your happiness and I hurt a little more each time,
I did not ask to be this way.

I walk alone, among you I am invisible,
I want to scream but I don’t know why,
Some days I just want to die.

Those days that pass is hard for me,
A struggle in my life, that you cannot see,
I lock myself away, honestly, to keep you safe from me.

Sometimes I struggle with the demon inside,
Lurking around, looking for a way out,
It creeps closer each time.

Why do I have this creature inside?
I am not its capturer, it is mine.
I cannot breathe, eat, or sleep.

I must keep it locked away,
But I fear that one day…

Struggling with your darker self is never easy, but depression is for me the awareness that it is consuming me and no matter how much I struggle it always seems to appear just when I feel that I might be free. Tormenting me on a conscious level it is like another voice inside of me strangled by anger, screeching, and clawing at my skin.

Sodom and Gomorrah

The fire within, rages through the night.
The anger is growing, consuming the light.
I am ready to explode and destroy everything in sight.

I watch these people all around,
They have no idea what I see,
Fire, brimstone, destruction –
The rage in me wants to destroy it all.

I hate them all, with their simple minds,
Laughing, loving, gleefully playing.
I want it all to fall.

To end this life, to end this existence,
Give it all back, to a time –
Where it never existed.

We are the plague and the cure,
Ow the temptation and the allure.
I know you hear my plight, you have already done this once upon a time.

Sodom and Gomorrah isn’t that right, you destroyed it all out of sight.
I recall your distaste at the sin of man, yet everyone says you have a plan.
Maybe you did, who really knows, but –
It looks like even you got bored.

A rage burns deep within my soul, often subdued by the many sides of life I consistently endure. However, on occasion the darkness seeps in and the demon within comes raging out. It is so hard to control yet none ever know. I keep it hidden from them all. The irony here is that It causes me to consider why people go on to commit mass shooting or killings in general and I on some level feel that I understand it, maybe that makes me psychotic, I don’t know. However, in recognising this I realise that humanity is such a flawed, on edge species. We are constantly looking for more, greedy as can be. Hence, we are the plague and the cure. We will be our own destroyers. 

Overcome the dark

I want to be free, free of this pain.
The sadness takes away the light,
But loneliness is far from sight.

I stare out the window, remembering that day.
The day you stole my heart away.
You walked into my life and destroyed my soul.

Nigh Is the darkness, far is the light,
But I will fight, fight, fight.
Try with my might, overcome the dark.

Run headlong into the light,
Arms stretched wide,
I have won my fight.

The day is bright,
the dark is night,
I don’t care I won this fight.

When dealing with depression, it is all to often easy to switch from being positive to complete oblivion. This poem is a nightly remembrance of the demons we all fight with before and during our bedtime routines and night cycles. Although it is often a struggle, each and every time we fight, it is often out of sight and so nobody sees our torturer…hence we often feel so alone.

Losing to addiction

I feel the darkness lurking inside.
Creeping around in the shadows,
Waiting for the night,
Waiting for the night.

Eyes burning, too afraid to sleep,
I can hear its voice calling out my name.

Until your darkest day, I will wait,
Coming from the night, into the light.
Taking over your soul,
Taking over your soul.

Another night has past,
But I am losing the fight.

Here I come, into the light,
You no longer have the fight.
Say good night,
Good night.

Lost in my own darkness, fighting the demons that wait. Expressed as a depiction of anger repression consuming the individual. However, can be used in consideration of any addiction.

Dreamer

I used to dream, so long ago.
I remember, they asked me to stop dreaming.
My peers, my teachers, my family.

I was always in a world of my own, finding hope and happiness.
The possibilities were endless, I could see, smell and taste the future.
Premonitions of things yet to come, but nobody listened.

I often saw the events and knew where they lead,
But everyone thought it was just in my head.
The time came and again I was right,
Nobody likes a smart ass.

Why does the future lie in my head?
The visions of lives and futures ahead,
Troubles and strife’s, life and death.

The day is now, and time is here,
when I no longer have the fear.
Gone are the days of dreams and premonitions.

Here is a shell, with no resident in sight.
What is the point of a useless life.
Existence forced to be obsolete,
does that explain why I feel so incomplete?

Standing at the window, watching the world go by. I started day dreaming and thinking about why, why it had been so long since I recalled a dream or dreamt actively. This poem, conveys a part of the past in which I was becoming something more than just a boy, through study and meditation I was becoming enlightened, yet, everyone around me was so stagnant they could not see and that scared them because a boy could never hope to understand the adult world, or so it used to be!

Crazy

People often call me crazy,
But crazy is such a loose term.
Do I have problems?
Yes, yes, I do… but so do you!
Just because we are different,
does not mean we are not the same.

Your world revolves around you,
My world revolves around everything.
You don’t understand,
I don’t want it.
It is just there,
in my head.
Floating around until I’m dead,
dead on my knees begging for release.

I reach for the knife,
remembering that night,
The night I lost my mind,
consumed by the rage.
My head is a mess,
but it won’t be if I’m dead.

Tonight, is not mine,
I have lost this fight.
I surrender to your will,
consume me with your fire.
We will awake together tomorrow.

On those nights where it is all just a bit to much and we recede into the darkest corners of our social selves and find the demons to play with. I wanted to convey a struggle during a night cycle through the lens of depression and the battle that sufferers face every single day and night, again out of sight.

The mortality of our future.

Religion, science, it is all the same.
They all make their grand claims.
Who started this, what created that.

We seek answers to it all, yet we are on the brink of fall [ing].
What use is the answer, we cannot control ourselves,
We are all doomed far below hell.

Stop fighting the future and let it come.
Focus on the now and save us all.
Can’t you see, we are the destruction of all.

You want us to soar,
higher than the heavens above,
But, wont we just consume all that is.

Do not tempt us with universes and enlightenment,
But deliver us from ourselves, free of sin.
Combine what we know and let the world show.
Humanity can exist without the above and below.

Save ourselves, save our world, save it all
Because if we don’t, all the rest will fall.
We have lost sight and chose to fight.

What are we fighting, against who? And for what?
We are like cockroaches, simple in our plight,
Yet survive everything in sight.

A species who endure, sounds nice.
But we are enduring our own fight.
Cease the fight and do what is right,
Save ourselves and the light.
Once the darkness is extinguished,
We can spend eternity in the right.

I wrote this as I often contemplate humanity and the struggle we have with our own mortality. We spend so much time trying to find the answers to things we need not rush, yet we ignore the things we could set right. It is typical of human beings to ignore things they find too difficult but when you consider things like mass hunger and poverty it is frustrating to see that we are ignoring our global family and trying to source a whole new world to consume. I wonder, who will be privileged enough to go there, you? Me? Or the global elite? What do you think?

Memories of us.

Some days, I stare at the clouds and wonder where you are.
I wonder whether you are happy, whether you think of me.
Our time was short, our paths split in the woods.

You left, and I stayed, but I always prayed.
That one day our paths would cross again,
Just like it did back then.

Would you even recognise me, or I you?
The memory of us still haunts me,
A ghost in the past often said we wouldn’t last
But I always thought it was because of the cast.
Infused by the voices of others,
Of our love and beauty intertwined,
I honestly thought we were bound for all of time.

But…

We have both grown, travelled in different directions.
The world grows smaller, more connections.
One day maybe,
we will find a link,
Both stop and think, of that time and place.
Where we loved, where we were us,
Fighting against the difference,
Of culture and the human existence.
It would be nice to see your face, even if not your embrace.
To see you smile, hear your voice for a while,
And recall those times that you were mine.

Everyone needs time to reflect, to learn. If we do not take it then how do we avoid making the same mistakes. That is in part what this poem is about, remembering the people we have loved, lost, hurt, been hurt by and all of the influences from external factors which contort our own views and emotions.

Serrated.

It cuts deep, that serrated edge bleeds droplets.
Dripping at my feet, curdling, coming to life.
It is the only way out.

Taking shape, Its face stares back at mine.
Red, demonic, laughing, what is this?
What am I doing? I am not in control!

It laughs, I have you now, forever bound,
Blood is my name, cleansing will not bring you fame.
Fade to the darkness and submit to me.

I will consume you in life and in death you will never escape,
Eternal pain will be yours, fated as you are!
Your blood is my life, your death is my rebirth.

Extinguish the flame, I dare you.
I will consume someone new.
Your escape will set me free.

Bleed just a little more,
Drip drip on the floor,
Consuming nothing more.

At the brink of the abyss, I realise something new.
I cannot begin to burden you,
I fight to keep you free and protect you from the demon in me.

Keep your distance, keep yourself.
Protecting you from my demonic self.
I will not bow out, I will not give it control.

Its voice rages on, urging me to let go.
But, I…can never let you know,
About that demon that consumes our mortal soul.

Drip drip, I am aware of it now,
At the void I see what I am meant to be.
Not a martyr but a warrior of life.

The wisdom to see beyond,
To keep the balance, the rhythm of life.
Locking away these demons one day at a time.

Suicidal thoughts come in many forms, the processes vary but ultimately the battle is the same. Often, having been on the edge I do wonder what it would be like. To be free, to let go, the eternal darkness, the void. However, I realise that in giving up this fight, it wins, they win, bad beats good, darkness over light. Maybe, maybe I was meant for this, to fight, to hurt so that you don’t have too. To see what is to come and prepare you for the struggle. Who knows, truly, depression is fraught with all sort of beliefs, biblical, mythical, scientific…but there is some comfort in believing that I suffer so that you don’t have too.