I am peaceful.
I am like a river which flows across the land, ebbing and crashing, reshaping the world through my emotion.
The landscape is moulded by my movements.
The ebb and flow of my soul guides me to new lands, creating new paths from which new experiences can be gained.
Like a fire,I rage through the roughest terrain.
I destroy and remove the strong and unyielding.
I eliminate all that stands in my way, without compromise, without forgiveness.
An insurmountable rage burns through the anguish, the raw emotion intertwined with the soul.
Born from the ashes, life begins to rebuild, create a new that which is destroyed, dismayed and turned to dust.
The life that flows offers new grounds, sweeping way the layers of ash that corrupt and suffocate.
It reinvigorates the green, populating the lands, the seas and the sky affording all those on high the promise of a new life.
Silence, a mask of stillness that tells a thousand tales.
The words, truths untold, lies lost in the vastness of time.
The heart, misguided by deception, trapped by the pulsating longing to be whole.
The person, lost in the void, lacking the sight to foretell their own path.
Lost in the vastness of space we seek out that which we cannot find. The path we aim to travel is true to our heart but not to our nature.
Stirring up an eternal war of inner chaos we fight external and internal pursuers.
The troubled child seeks a guiding hand where none are to be found.
Searching the darkest corners hoping for light, there can be nothing with which to shine.
Through the alley of time the walls close in, narrowing the path with which to find that which is said to transcend even time.
Coming to the end, we learn that which we sought to find was never in front, rather, it was behind.
At the beginning where we started when that light shone so bright.
We took our first breath, we opened our eyes and thus we truly became that which was alive.
The light we long to find that brings purpose into our life, again, is not in front, rather, it is behind.
Stop and think!
One drop becomes two.
Those two become one.
The fluid movement of yourself the only release from the torment.
Behind closed doors the eyes cannot see.
Behind the walls no-one can escape.
Crawling under the skin, keeping alive the soul.
Through its flow resides a life, but its fleeting under the knife.
The wounds that cannot be seen emit their own voice.
Dragging you deeper into that void.
Remember to smile because it won’t be your last, you cannot escape your past.
Those nights alone you wonder why?
Because, nobody can hear you cry.
You reside in the dark toying with your broken heart.
Thinking its one of god’s art, you wonder!
When can I depart.
Fighting though we do in life, through all the troubles and strife,
We come back to this moment.
One drop becomes two.
Two drops become one.
Of simple words I design,
A beauty so fine, of master-man craft-ship.
An artist it has been claimed,
Lives in the heavens above,
But you fine sir,
constructed a dove.
Of pure white beauty,
brimming with glow,
She is aloft,
Heaven and snow,
A sight like a star,
I’ve only seen from afar.
An artist constructs,
A beauty so fine,
I longed for it,
Only to be mine,
I craved the wisdom,
its warmth provides.
Of sin and desire,
Has no compass,
Here in my life,
For me to find.
The sadness grows, no end in sight,
The shadows awaken, lusting for blood,
Screeching at the edges, crawling up my skin.
It grows with your voice in my head.
Like oil to a flame, I am on fire,
The rage burning on ready to engulf.
I saw your face, ignoring my embrace,
And the monster erupted,
From the shadows like a beast of the night,
It consumed all insight,
Fight I try, but cannot resist,
The strength of its will, I am weak.
It is here now, no end in sight,
It laughs, I laugh, there is no point now,
It laughs, I laugh, we are one, we are the same.
A fickle thing that is the land of a dream,
Of beauty and prosperity, we desire.
We conspire all types of whims and woes,
Only because nobody knows.
A transcript of awe, of honour and valour,
Or a tale of might, lust, and desire,
Forbade the entrance, I have since been,
For my land of dreams,
Is but dark and gleam.
I have always interpreted the world differently from my peers,
The often think I am crazy,
I saw different links, connections with things that others think don’t exist.
Let me tell give you an anecdote.
Buying meat from a supermarket compared to a butcher is visibly different.
Take the butcher meat and the supermarket meat, let them both cook on a frying pan, medium to high heat.
Do you see it? Of course, we all know this.
Now I want you to think about the psychology behind it all.
Pump the meat full of shit – people eating less meat thus consuming more overall, meaning they buy more products and increase their consumerist mentality and submissive nature.
Conforming to the twisted delusions of profiteers, power, and control within a capitalist driven economy.
The butcher’s meat, so rich so full of actual meat free of chemicals. Cook it, keep the meat, consume, satisfied, full. Happy, energy- full of life…spending a little more then a little less, eating a little less and not over buying or being so consumer focused.
Now take this theory, apply it to anything such as relationships. Let me show you.
Where supermarket meat becomes quantity, butcher meat becomes quality, easy right?
People are not fulfilled by simply meeting multiple people and having relations, thus they consume more and begin to erode their own basic values and begin adopting a single alpha mentality. Which, if we all do this, where does that leave child rearing, abortion, families, xmas, etc etc. Also, a version of being a consumer as that is you consuming more than you need.
Let’s look at the quality, you meet someone, you talk, you get to know them, you decide how you feel, whether you like them enough, you date a while, you communicate, it grows or you part ways. How is this like a butcher’s meat? Let me explain. Quality meat fills you up, without the need to consume a lot. Quality people, fulfil you both emotionally and physically without the need to consume everything in sight, we just need to enjoy the cooking process. Well, that is the condensed version.
People, your smiles make me sad,
I see your happiness and I hurt a little more each time,
I did not ask to be this way.
I walk alone, among you I am invisible,
I want to scream but I don’t know why,
Some days I just want to die.
Those days that pass is hard for me,
A struggle in my life, that you cannot see,
I lock myself away, honestly, to keep you safe from me.
Sometimes I struggle with the demon inside,
Lurking around, looking for a way out,
It creeps closer each time.
Why do I have this creature inside?
I am not its capturer, it is mine.
I cannot breathe, eat, or sleep.
I must keep it locked away,
But I fear that one day…
Struggling with your darker self is never easy, but depression is for me the awareness that it is consuming me and no matter how much I struggle it always seems to appear just when I feel that I might be free. Tormenting me on a conscious level it is like another voice inside of me strangled by anger, screeching, and clawing at my skin.
The fire within, rages through the night.
The anger is growing, consuming the light.
I am ready to explode and destroy everything in sight.
I watch these people all around,
They have no idea what I see,
Fire, brimstone, destruction –
The rage in me wants to destroy it all.
I hate them all, with their simple minds,
Laughing, loving, gleefully playing.
I want it all to fall.
To end this life, to end this existence,
Give it all back, to a time –
Where it never existed.
We are the plague and the cure,
Ow the temptation and the allure.
I know you hear my plight, you have already done this once upon a time.
Sodom and Gomorrah isn’t that right, you destroyed it all out of sight.
I recall your distaste at the sin of man, yet everyone says you have a plan.
Maybe you did, who really knows, but –
It looks like even you got bored.
A rage burns deep within my soul, often subdued by the many sides of life I consistently endure. However, on occasion the darkness seeps in and the demon within comes raging out. It is so hard to control yet none ever know. I keep it hidden from them all. The irony here is that It causes me to consider why people go on to commit mass shooting or killings in general and I on some level feel that I understand it, maybe that makes me psychotic, I don’t know. However, in recognising this I realise that humanity is such a flawed, on edge species. We are constantly looking for more, greedy as can be. Hence, we are the plague and the cure. We will be our own destroyers.
I want to be free, free of this pain.
The sadness takes away the light,
But loneliness is far from sight.
I stare out the window, remembering that day.
The day you stole my heart away.
You walked into my life and destroyed my soul.
Nigh Is the darkness, far is the light,
But I will fight, fight, fight.
Try with my might, overcome the dark.
Run headlong into the light,
Arms stretched wide,
I have won my fight.
The day is bright,
the dark is night,
I don’t care I won this fight.
When dealing with depression, it is all to often easy to switch from being positive to complete oblivion. This poem is a nightly remembrance of the demons we all fight with before and during our bedtime routines and night cycles. Although it is often a struggle, each and every time we fight, it is often out of sight and so nobody sees our torturer…hence we often feel so alone.